From Overwhelm to Empowerment: An Insight into Deborah Newt's Transformation Journey. Next coaching

Speaker 1: 0:59

Welcome to the Undiscovered Entrepreneur, the podcast where brand new entrepreneurs come to life and could quite possibly be discovered. Join me, DJ Scoob and the rest of the Scoob believers as we help these new businesses become a reality. And now, away we go.

Speaker 2: 1:29

We now join DJ Scoob in the next coaching of Deborah Newt, owner of Leap Life Coaching, already in progress, to talk to you after our last session. We were talking about, you know, the modeling thing and your questionnaire, and so many fantastic things have happened to you when we last talked, so I'm really excited to get an update on how things are going with you and how that's all working out.

Speaker 3: 1:53

Oh, thank you. I've been so excited to talk to you too. I'll tell you what's been going on. Okay, well, I'll start with the bad news. Yeah, so I got asked like immediately did I tell you that I went to the modeling agency and I got hired? Yes, because we texted Okay. And then just a few days later, they sent me a job and I accepted and I was really excited. And then I spoke to my accountant and he gave me this whole thing about how I can't issue invoices. I'm a freelancer but I'm like a business consultant. So he said you know, you can't issue invoices as a model and it'll mess up. It was just this long, complicated story. So I, you know, I spoke to them and I said you know, unfortunately I don't know if I can do this. And they were really helpful, they were trying to find ways, but I really couldn't. I don't know. I was just in this, really like scared mindset, like oh my God, what if I get caught doing something I'm not supposed to be doing? I don't know, maybe it's not that serious over there, but I guess it is over here. So I'm just fixing my teeth. And so I so I think I burnt that bridge, which I was really upset about, really upset about Like I think I mourned it Because I just think I don't know, like I was just in this mindset I can't really describe it like like, of course this wouldn't work out. You know, of course there's going to be something that is going to mess this up, and I'm actually like I tear up just thinking about it, because it was something I was so excited about. It was something I was so like proud of myself for doing, because it was so different from anything I had ever let myself even dream. I tried to philosophize it like okay, you know, it doesn't matter, it's. You know, I can't do much about it Because because, especially since I was involved in that legal case years ago, I'm really careful about what I do.

Speaker 2: 4:09

Right, right.

Speaker 3: 4:09

Maybe maybe I dodged oh, that looks like good coffee. I was like you know, maybe I dodged a bullet. I tried to see the positive side of it and that it's reeling up into the world. I mean, it was just a totally random thing that occurred to me, and I've still got the podcast, I've still got coaching, I've still got everything else. So maybe it was all meant to happen for a reason, but I was really upset about it and the good thing about the phase I'm in in my life right now is that everything is making me like turn inside, like turn inside and see what's really going on. And I was really off for a few days and I thought, deb, you're more upset about this than you're letting yourself realize, and that you're giving yourself space to to mourn, like I really, I was really really sad, but I've just always got this thing where it's like oh well, you know what? It's okay, that doesn't matter, but it does matter. And I need to give myself, you know, I needed to acknowledge that this is actually something I'm really upset about and I need to give myself time to, as I said, like kind of put it to rest. So that was a negative thing. A negative thing, I mean, who knows? But something I wasn't. It's something that didn't turn out the way I wanted it to for sure, and I've just been like I don't know if you can understand this, you probably can Like I've been really struggling with my happiness, like it's just been. I guess I'm in a bit of, I wouldn't say a depression, but just I should be. I feel like I should be feeling better than I am, but again this makes me turn inward. So it's also been really nice to just get really quiet inside and connect to you. Know, I've been doing a lot of meditation. I don't know if you meditate. Did you tell me that you do?

Speaker 2: 6:24

I try to do at least five minutes a day, minimum, sometimes when I actually have time more, but mainly just like just five minutes. I mean, if you can't find five minutes in a day to sit down and just be quiet, then you know something's going on. But yes, I do still meditate Exactly.

Speaker 3: 6:42

So sorry that I'm so fidgety, but I just was rushing in my hair. It looks like crap.

Speaker 2: 6:46

Oh, you're okay so thank you.

Speaker 3: 6:50

So I've been going really deep into meditation, like sometimes I'm in there for like an hour and it's been an absolute saving grace because it just I really feel like I'm connecting to something a lot bigger than me and something that's trying to tell me things that I'm being called to do, so it's a really positive experience. So, like, it's been a month or so of like wanting to just be more carefree, but also but also just getting this message and trusting the message that, okay, the reason that you know we're not letting you whoever we is be carefree is because we're trying to tell you something. We're trying to make you go inside and figure some stuff out and so I can see, like I can see the good it's doing me. Like it's the first time. I don't know if you saw my recent post about brain fog or if you read it, but about how, like, instead of trying to avoid it, I'm really trying to look at it and I do feel like brain fog isn't here to make me miserable or or anything. I really feel like it's this, this communication with like some sort of calling. It's this some sort of muddled message that I haven't figured out yet it's. I hope you understand this kind of stuff? I'm sure you do. That's why I'm sharing.

Speaker 2: 8:33

Yeah, no, it actually makes perfect sense. You've had a yeah, you've something you've had for a while, if ever, since I've talked to you from the beginning, but now that you've done what you're doing I don't mean to get into it too quickly here but now that you've done all the work that we've done together and the meditations and things like that, you're starting to look at it in a different, a different light, a different aspect, a different type of field of vision where now you think, wait, a minute, this is here for a reason, but why is it here?

Speaker 3: 9:04

Now you're questioning it instead of saying, okay, it's here, right, yeah, I'm just going to have to, you know, kiss off the next two months of my life because it'll be here. No, make me miserable. So, you know, let's, you know, just deal with it. So yeah, exactly, I'm not looking at that at all, like I've even thought that because I get this, I only get it on the left side of my brain, and I've been to so many various doctors about what it could be and they all say, you know, we understand brain fog, but it's so strange that you go only get it on the left side of your head, I mean in general the left side of my body, and I just, I feel like, I feel like it's like the left of your the left sort of represents your past and the, you know, the right represents your future, and I just feel like it's unprocessed, I even think it's tears sometimes. Like I can feel like I didn't. I don't know if I've told you this before, but if you listen to our episode on crying, I really like it's really not a joke Like I stopped crying at some point. I can't, like I can count on both hands how many times I've cried in the last 15 years, let's say. And I really do think that I'm just getting to the root of, okay, what is this sadness that needs to be released and processed and acknowledged? And I also know I also feel like it's also like pent up potential, like it's just this it's like a disconnect I think I wrote this in my post too Like it's like I know that I'm not living the life not that I'm complaining about my life, but I know that I'm not living the life I'm destined to live and I feel like the brain fog is coming to remind me. You know, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going. You're not there yet. And oh, there was something else that occurred to me, and this might sound insane, but I, you know, I really feel like it's my third eye. I don't like to talk too much about this stuff because not everybody understands it, but I think you do. You know what the third eye is. It's like, yeah, I even feel like it's my third eye opening and just trying to make me see things that I haven't been able to see yet. So all of this I think of as a really positive thing. It's just that you can't be in that euphoric state of meditation, you know, all the time. So I'm not I don't feel great all the time, but I mean, how can I explain it? Like I'm just, I'm still this, I'm still, I'm like, I'm really optimistic. I've never really been able to explain that part of me, how I can feel like a sadness but also like complete and utter optimism and just like in this state of positive anticipation. So I do feel like things are coming and I also know that I got really stressed about I don't know three or four weeks ago and now I can't even remember, but it was remember. I told you I was going on a podcast as me to talk about mental health, right, so that's something positive that I did. Because, that was me promoting me, kind of thing. So but just like I don't know, a few days before that weekend I was like, oh my God, I'm not ready to go on that. I've got my own episode to do all these things Like this. This was like this ton of bricks fell down on me and I just I'm better. But I feel like the last month because we're trying to wrap up some episodes before Chris is leaving on holidays first, and then I'm going to leave at some point we're trying to get episodes done. We've, you know, luckily been asked to be on a whole bunch of podcasts and we've had to do all the preparation for that. There just hasn't been a moment, really, where I've been able to say I can just relax.

Speaker 2: 13:20

Yeah, I think.

Speaker 3: 13:20

I'm, I think I'm exhausted, I think I'm, I think I'm exhausted, like, just not like physically, but just always having something on my mind that I've got to do, that I've got to deliver, that I've got to show up for. So I've been thinking like this weekend, but I'm proud of myself. Very proud of myself because on Monday I was feeling super overwhelmed. Chris and I were supposed to be recording our episode sorry on Tuesday. So that was one thing. And then, and then yesterday we were going on the sc out on scatterbrained podcast, but we actually had to research some stuff for that and I hadn't done anything. And then I had also scheduled yesterday, so we were going to be on scatterbrained in the morning, then I was going to go as me on another podcast that I'll tell you about, and then to. And then last Tuesday we were supposed to record our episode and it was my topic. And you know, believe it or not, these topics take a while to research. It's not that easy.

Speaker 2: 14:33

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 14:35

And especially, you know, I'm trying to get a half an hour here there, you know, from work, between my daughter work and all this stuff, it's not, you know, really takes a while. And I was so overwhelmed last Monday and I was so proud of myself because I was like no, no, no, no, no, you are not going to sit here in a cloud of overwhelm. What you're going to do is you're going to look at that cloud and you're going to say what is making up that cloud, like that's not just a monolith of stress, that is specific things that can be broken down into bite size chunks that you can deal with. Let's do that. So I was, I did that. I was like, okay, I, I know that I can't get my topic done for Tuesday. I know I worked really hard on the weekend, but it was a lot of research. I needed to do my rewrite and I was like, you know, I don't want to disappoint Chris and she's, you know, 9.5 times out of 10 on time. And here, you know, I'm the one who's always, you know, trying to push back the dates. It was all this stuff. You know how again I'm, I'm a bad person, I'm inadequate. Look at me, you can't count on me and all this stuff. So I was like I don't want to and I didn't not. I mean, chris is like, like you know, one of my best friends, but you know, sometimes she is like Deb. You know, come on, and if we push this back, then we're going to. And she's right, she's trying to get planned on this huge trip to the States and she's got a lot of stuff. So I didn't want to disappoint her, but I was like I need this right now. So I'm going to try. So I texted her and I said I really don't think I can get our topic done, my topic done, by Tuesday, especially if I'm supposed to focus on scatterbrain. And of course she texts me back and she's like do not even think about it, just forget about it. Do your thing, deb. You know we've done so well and we'll get as much time as we can before we leave, but not to the point where we're going to make ourselves sick. So she was like like he brought tears to my eyes. She was so supportive and she always is you know, but I it was probably my own negative self-talk so immediately, this chunk of the cloud was like, okay, I need to sort you out, but I can put you aside for a minute, I don't need to deal with you immediately. And then I was like, okay, what else is bothering you? So, this guy. So I'm proud of myself that I. I joined some of those Facebook groups you were telling me about, about finding a guest or being a guest. Yeah, all of this to promote my coaching. And so that's definitely something that I achieved, and almost immediately there was a post by a guy called Michael Hogman, who he's like an inspirational person. I guess he has a huge social media following like 127,000 followers on Instagram. Like he, posts motivational stuff. He's been through his own stuff. You know, like all of us, and he I guess it's just trying to share what he's learned from his journey with other people so they don't suffer like he does. So he said, if anybody's interested, text me. So I texted him and I told him a little bit about me and he said, yeah, absolutely, let's set up a prep, like a conversation, to see if we're a fit. And then, lol, you know, if you are, will, will record, and but he's really I don't know. I was intimidated by him because he has this huge following. I know a lot of people want to be on a show. I was again, maybe immediately in like I'm not worthy mode and anyway. So we had this conversation. He ended up being much sweeter and approachable During our call. Then he sort of appears on social media. So that was like he has a totally normal job. He's like he works in construction or something, and this is just something he does on the side. So that just kind of made him a little bit more human and but and very sweet and sorry, and so we're talking about what we could talk about and we decided to talk about self worth and stuff like that, and so I had booked for, as I said yesterday, and I just wanted to do such. I wanted to do a really good job. You know I don't want. I want to research a few things. I know it's enough just being me on the podcast, but I want to research a few things so that I'm not completely unprepared. And so, on Monday again. So I had sorted Chris out, and then Michael was really weighing on my mind and you know what. I'm just going to ask him if I can have an extension, which I felt really uncomfortable doing, because I again, I don't want to be that person that says no, I don't want to create a negative image about me in someone else's mind like oh, she's unreliable, or this, that and the other thing. So I just with him. Yeah, really honestly. And I said, michael, wrapping up the podcast is turning out to be much more work than I anticipated, so I apologize. If there's any way we could bump this back to the 17th of June, I would love it. Otherwise, if that's a problem you know, a scheduling problem for you, we can keep the third. I'll make it work. He's like absolutely no problem. And I'm like you see, deb, like I had this huge, like life ending, like weight on my shoulders and I asked for two things and I got them. So I am like I woke up a different person the next day. All I had to worry about was the podcast we were, I needed to prepare for, for scatterbrain, and I woke up a completely different person. So I was just really proud of myself for recognizing what my needs were, overcoming all the voices in my head saying you see, you know you're going to disappoint someone again, and texting and asking for what I wanted and getting it. So that helped a lot and I think that. So this weekend is pretty much over, and then next week and we have another. You know a couple of things that we need to do for the podcast, but then after that it's. I'm really kind of going to be off for the summer, not from coaching, but I won't have all these scheduled things that seem to like cause me anxiety. I'll just be a little bit more relaxed. Right. And you know, like even my house, messing my, I have two houses. Have I explained that to you?

Speaker 2: 21:41

No, but that's okay.

Speaker 3: 21:42

That Okay. So anyway, yeah, we do, we do. I think it's called bird nesting in states where my daughter lives at this house all the time and my ex has been an. I come and go, depending on who has her. So I've now got you know, two houses that I need to sort out and organize and throw stuff out and clean, and that was weighing on my brain too, because I just think that you know you have. I'm certainly not a meat freak or a clean freak or anything like that, but I want to feel good when I walk into my house, right, I want to feel relaxed. So I. But I just again I said, deb, that is not a problem that can be solved right now. You need to just defer that until when the podcast is wrapped up, like mid June. We're almost there and go mental on the house right now. That is not a problem you need to solve, right. So this do you know? See what I'm saying? Like it's like some like negative stuff is going on, but I think that the way I'm dealing with it is really productive and like listening to myself and expressing my needs and stuff like that, sorry. So I think that in terms of oh and then just like like setting boundaries yeah, they have one relationship where it's hard for me to set boundaries, but I do and in terms of putting my needs first. And then this incredible thing happened. I met this guy and it's not romantic and even if it was, it can't be because he lives in the state, so you know, it's never met him. So, really like I just we just started chatting like about 10 days ago, and it was just this beautiful thing that came into my life from nowhere. It was just look at this, like, look at this wonderful, wonderful person who came into my life. Whatever this is, whatever it again, I'm not looking for a romantic connection, but I just thought I've got to be doing something right if these amazing people keep showing up in my life. You know this relationship, like you, I didn't know you, you know, a few months ago. I can't, of course, I can't think of any other examples now, but so I just I can see the process working of just sort of sitting back doing the work and then just the stuff that I'm sort of subconsciously asking for coming into my life, because, you know, this person just made me feel so much less lonely. It was I have. I like talking about deep stuff, and not many people do, and so when somebody who really likes to talk about it, like me, comes to my life, that's, that's a gift, so in terms of coaching. So I did the questionnaire. I did the corrections that you asked me to do. I sent it to my sister and I asked her to check and tell me if it asked her, if it prompted her to open up a Google Docs and all that stuff. She's like Deb, I haven't had a chance to fill it out. Anyway, she hasn't gotten back to me. I sent it to another friend and I sent it to you, so I really I've been so busy that I haven't pushed anybody to get back to me, but that's something I will do, maybe you know, this week to get some feedback so that I can start working on my on actually using the questionnaire. Now that things are quietening down a little bit with the podcast, I've been doing my weekly post like more or less sort of every 10 days or something. That's it. Okay, no, I was just gonna say that, and I'm going on this podcast as me. So that's another thing I'm trying to pursue, you know, going on a podcast as myself to hopefully generate some sort of interest in me. Oh, and I joined a woman's group here in Athens they're all foreign women which is something that I wasn't interested in doing. I did it years ago and it was beautiful at the time, but I didn't feel the need to do it after that, but I forced myself to. It's, yeah, it's, it's called the lean in network and it's I think it's actually networks all over the world of women who get together and support each other in any way they can, whether it's, you know, professionally. In Greece, for instance, a lot of women feel very lonely because they've come here from, like the States or wherever, and they don't speak the language and they don't have friends. So we're really trying to support each other. So I went a little bit outside my comfort zone at Joan. Joan joined that again in hopes that it will create you know, it will add to my network and hopefully create some coaching opportunities for me.

Speaker 2: 27:06

Good, that's good thinking.

Speaker 3: 27:08

Yeah, I think it's important. That's it. That's it, yeah, that's it. I don't know what you think of all that.

Speaker 2: 27:22

That's a lot. You've done a lot since the last. We've talked and had a lot of different types of experiences, positive and negative. But I think, out of everything that you've talked to me about up to this point and I'm I am going to go over a few things but the one thing that really strikes me, from from beginning deb to now, this is how you've been taking these negative and positive things and reacting to them in a specific way that helps you, that makes you look at things at a different way. Just like I was saying earlier, or I think if we, if you, were still going the same path you were before we met, this would a lot of these things would bring you deeper down. You know that brain fog would get thicker instead of thinner and that kind of thing. So, seeing how it's not so much as the as the experiences that we have, but what we do with those experiences and how we perceive those experiences in our life and what we do with them, is really what makes us who we are.

Speaker 3: 28:29

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:30

So I'm seeing just so much growth from you from from when we first started to now and I don't know, I don't know if I had anything to do with that and if I did great. But you know, whatever, whatever the situation is, you are, you are taking these, these experiences, so much differently and so much better and much more positive than you could have probably been before.

Speaker 3: 28:56

Thank you. So, yeah, and yes, you are helping me because you always make me think forward. So I know there's no going back, so I need to do whatever it takes to move forward and I don't want to go back, obviously. But you know, left my own devices, maybe I could I don't think so, but but you do keep me accountable, which I love.

Speaker 2: 29:23

All right, you're welcome.

Speaker 3: 29:25

Thank you, thank you. I'm going to talk a little.

Speaker 2: 29:28

I want to talk about the leaning network a little bit, and I actually is this. This group has been around for a while.

Speaker 3: 29:37

It sounds like so I'm just muting my phone, which I didn't do before. No, not I mean, it's been all over the world, I think for a long time, but I don't think I think this is the first time one is being established in Greece.

Speaker 2: 29:54

If they have a website or any way to get their word out. I would really appreciate you sending that to me so I could promote them a little bit.

Speaker 3: 30:05

Oh, thank you yes.

Speaker 2: 30:07

And I will definitely put them in show notes and things like that. I also have the company that I also work for that I'm in that group, the, the community. They would be interested in something like that too to help promote Really. Yeah, Right now they're doing something called purple it up, which is basically awareness of domestic violence. Oh God so we're doing that right now and promoting that, but I think this would be a great kind of way to follow up with that. Follow up that. So.

Speaker 3: 30:48

So what are you interested in?

Speaker 2: 30:49

Like what do you think they would be interested in, like reaching out to the women in the network, or I don't know, I just feel like there should be some kind of connection there which I will talk to my owners with and see, I don't know, I just have this feeling that we can make a connection with them somehow. I don't know, it's just what's flowing through my head right now and that's when you're like that.

Speaker 3: 31:10

So yeah, yes.

Speaker 2: 31:12

So if you could do that, I'd really appreciate that. If you want to tell your group that that's happening, that'd be great.

Speaker 3: 31:20

Yeah, or maybe I would find I'm not sure if there's a website. I don't think there would be a website for the Greek chapter specifically, but for the like overall organization.

Speaker 2: 31:28

I'm sure that would be, yeah, so I can send that to you.

Speaker 3: 31:31

You can see if you think it's some sort of a fit, and then I would probably tell them something. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:36

Okay, okay, well, thank you Please follow up on the questionnaire with your family and everybody else that you've. I know it's. It sounds like you kind of put that aside a little bit. Don't let that get too far away from you.

Speaker 3: 31:50

Yeah, thank you yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:51

Because what'll happen is you'll forget about it, and this is why a lot of my well, you won't forget about it, but it'll start getting on the back burner behind everything else that you got going on, and that questionnaire is basically the center point of your coaching. So that really should be the focal point of what you should be. You know, one of the focal points of what you should be following up with because that's going to be the one thing that's really going to push you forward is that questionnaire.

Speaker 3: 32:16

I think so too yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:17

So don't, don't forget to follow up with him. You know, set like 10 minutes aside and send everybody a text. Hey, have you done my, my questionnaire, or something like that? You know, so we can. So you can follow up with that. It is quite important.

Speaker 3: 32:34

I agree, and what I can do too, is I can find another two or three people that I can send it to, who might be more, because I have a thing about, like you can't make people do things they don't want to do. Like, because I love personal development, I would have jumped on that questionnaire and been all over it, but you know, my sister's a different person, my friend is a different person, you know, and I'm that, that's, there's nothing wrong with that, but it just might not click for everybody. I have a few more people. I have one person in particular who I told about and she seemed quite interested in it, so maybe I can send it to her. Yeah, because I just don't feel like you can like there's no point beating a dead horse. I'm not saying my sister is a dead horse, not even close. But you know, for whatever reason, she's got other stuff going on and it's not important to her right now, and that's fine, you know. So maybe it'll be. And I think that if somebody fills it in like from a place of, oh, I just need to get this done to help dead, because of course she wants to help me, I don't want them to fill it in like that. I want them to engage, right yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:43

Something else that you might want to try. So you're going on this podcast as yourself. So why don't you work something out with them where you can actually say have people come to your questionnaire from you know, say hey, I'd like to. If anybody wants to try my questionnaire, go to this place. My questionnaire is there. Fill it out. Okay, that's a good idea and that way you actually you're not looking at just friends and relatives now that's that's possibly going to be finished filling this out but people that you don't know might take the opportunity to fill that questionnaire out and you can get feedback for them too. So now you're getting blind feedback is basically what's going to be your best feedback, because it's people that are people that you have no idea who they are giving you input on this questionnaire. So maybe there's a way you can figure that out. We're on, like at the end of the podcast say hey, if anybody wants to know more about me or or what I do, I have a questionnaire. Please fill it out, go to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3: 34:51

Yeah, actually you're giving me an idea I could, because of course, I'm going to promote my life coaching and for the time being, you know, I don't have a website, so I'll tell them that they can find me on Instagram. But I was thinking that just like flashed into my mind that I could say you know I have, instead of like sort of saying that I want their feedback on my questionnaire, making it sound like my questionnaire is something I've used, is tried and tested, has been tried and tested a million times and you know, sort of the first three people who reach out will get a free I don't know coaching session for an hour or something like that.

Speaker 2: 35:23

There you go. No, that's a good idea.

Speaker 3: 35:26

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2: 35:35

So that coaching session might even blow up and you know, if they take you up on the coaching session that might blow up into a client who knows.

Speaker 3: 35:43

Exactly that would be the point.

Speaker 2: 35:45

Yeah, yes, okay, mm-hmm, I've also been noticing lately Especially lately since we've been talking you've been attracting a lot more positivity to yourself. You're meeting a lot of new people and and you're opening up to other experiences and things like that just like this other person that you're talking about, this new friend of yours, who has seems to be very positive and a good person so far. But make sure you keep your boundaries. Boundaries are really super important. I Know, you see, when you, when you were talking to me, you said I'm I'm trying to set about, keep these boundaries, and the way I heard that to me, yeah, it's like, well, I kind of have boundaries, but you got to be, Not just when you set your boundaries, but when you even talk about your vendors, because how you, how you talk about yourself as how you're gonna express yourself. So the boundaries that you said for yourself, when you say to yourself, well, I kind of have bad these boundaries that I'm trying, you got to be a little more firm. I have these boundaries, just like we talked about the imposter syndrome. How you say them is how you're gonna leave them in your head. Yes, just make sure when you, when you have these boundaries I have these boundaries and I set them for myself. Because if you, if you think of it that way, then that's what they're gonna be there's gonna be set boundaries that no one's gonna be able to cross unless you let them.

Speaker 3: 37:18

Yeah, you're right, I do try to be really careful about my language. And you're right, that's a good reminder. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:25

I'm not. I'm not trying to be psychological about it, it's just you know.

Speaker 3: 37:33

I love psychologically, so we're good.

Speaker 2: 37:40

All right. So this podcast that you're going on, I'm I think that's gonna be, that's gonna be monumental for you. That's gonna be the first one. That's. That's gonna like kind of break the ice for you to be comfortable going on other podcasts, things like that. But one thing I want to talk about to you is no one really knows what you Want or need until you ask. You can't just assume they're in motions, they're feelings, they're Personalities, you know and just figure out. You know, oh, he's this big person, so he's gonna be this way, but he's really not. Yeah, and that's one thing I've noticed too, especially doing what I do, as I've noticed that people, even though they might perceive, like on the podcast or something like they, might seem like this big, monumental person that has 100,000, 200,000 followers, they're still a person, they're still a human, yeah, you know. So treat him as a friend, treat him as I mean I've my guy Pat Flynn. He's huge, I mean that guy is amazing and he's got thousands. He's got hundreds of thousands of followers, but I could still talk to him like a human. We talked about our kids one time. We just talked about just like normal people. So you want to treat these people because they there want to be treated by normal, like normal people, because nobody else treats them like a normal person. I'm saying they're so you know they're like A normal person. I'm saying they're so used to people treating like like there's big yeah. Huge personality so they're like shy away from. He's wanting people. I mean, this is what I've experienced. He wants people to treat him normally, like when I'm at the restaurant I have celebrities that come into my restaurant all the time. Wow cool and they're local celebrities, but they're celebrities nonetheless, and I treat him like any others, any other person, because that's what they want. They want to be treated normal. They don't I mean they don't I'm sure they don't mind the the fanboy ever once in a while but they want to be treated like a normal person. So Don't, don't just assume these persons feelings and emotions and nobody's gonna know what you want unless you ask. You can't be afraid to ask the question. Hey, I need this. Can you do this for me?

Speaker 3: 39:50

Exactly so, Don't know about that. Absolutely. Yeah, no, I was. It was a good exercise Texting him and asking for this and, as I said, he was absolutely lovely about it, so it was all in my head.

Speaker 2: 40:05

Right, exactly.

Speaker 3: 40:07

Yeah, and then I wonder why I have brain fog about all this, you know, worrying about stuff that doesn't need to be worried about.

Speaker 2: 40:15

Yeah, so just kind of keep that in mind when you're talking, because you're gonna come across more people like him. Yeah, doing what you're doing and that kind of thing, you're gonna come across more people that have these these followers, this people, these these businesses and things like that. Yeah, you still want to just treat him like a normal person, yes, so another thing, too is you're telling me that Chris could actually get a lot of stuff done and you know pretty quickly and that kind of thing where she can get stuff done on time and that kind of thing. Does she have a similar. I mean, does she prioritize her work the same way you do?

Speaker 3: 41:00

I Just think our, our Daily lives are just so different, because I'm not sure like if I'm gonna answer your question, but she has three kids and that's a huge responsibility, and that's a huge responsibility and a lot of pulls on her time. I think that big difference, though, is that when her kids are in school, from like, let's say, eight to three or eight to two Over here, that's a pretty big. I mean, she has to cook, but it's a pretty big chunk of time where she can sit down and and work on stuff. So I'm definitely not trying to give the impression that she has more free time than I do. I just feel like she might have like bigger chunks at a time, whereas you know I have to, you know I get up for work, let's say at six, I have to be at work by I don't know, let's say nine. I don't get off until like 5 36 that I'm not home until seven, and then I'm pooped, I don't have the power. So I think it's the timing like it's not that she has less work, but I think that she has bigger chunks of time at a like a Time of day that's a little bit more conducive to to working. I don't compare myself to Chris, like really, yeah, I don't know, maybe I do and I don't realize it.

Speaker 2: 42:21

Probably I'm just curious. You may be able to I don't know if you've ever done this before but sit down and actually ask her how she prioritizes her time. And then maybe you could learn something from that. Yeah, true because Chris is. I Really don't think you're utilizing Chris enough as a resource. I mean, she's a good friend, awesome. Yeah but I think there's other resources you could learn from Chris that you're not kind of getting into.

Speaker 3: 42:52

Yeah, that, never thought about that I.

Speaker 2: 42:55

Think this would be a huge resource for me, not just for being a friend, but for learning things that she does, the way she does, and maybe finding a way to incorporate something similar to that and what you're doing to try to be able to prioritize that time.

Speaker 3: 43:09

Yeah, no, that's really good. Okay, no, I think that's a really good observation. You know, a Classic example is that she's I mean, she's leaving for the States much sooner than I'm leaving for Canada, but her tickets are booked. You know, she's organized, she's going. I haven't even booked my flight. Yeah, I'm going two months after her, but still, you know, it's just like there's something. I Just think it all comes back to like this oh, I don't know, like this feeling that I've had since I was a little girl which is much better now but Like I'm not worthy of going on vacation or the other shoe's gonna drop and something's gonna happen and I'm not gonna be able to go. Like I really know. I mean, if I dug in I would figure it out. I think there's something there, a blockage there. It's not just about time management or anything like that.

Speaker 2: 44:16

So I can understand you telling yourself that I've actually had that experience with myself too. I I still have a lot of issues spending money on myself. As an example, if I, if I walk, if I walk through a store, I can't even buy a pair of shoes for myself because I'm afraid that something's gonna happen when I'm gonna need the money somewhere else. And because of that, a lot of a lot of my, a lot of my this is something I'm learning for myself. So I'm sorry, but a lot of my yes, a lot of myself goes unnoticed, on, unfixed, you know, because I have a problem spending money on doing stuff for myself. Yes so, and this is why a lot of what I've done with the podcast and a lot of the coaching, I've learned that I can prioritize myself First on at least a few things that I'm wearing. This is something I'm learning for myself, so yeah, so this feels kind of weird to talk about, especially when I'm supposed to be coaching you anyway.

Speaker 3: 45:23

A wise coach told me that you have to be relatable, so what you think is being relatable and I really appreciate that. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2: 45:33

Yeah, you do deserve things. I know you totally deserve things. There are things that you have done in the last couple months that I've talked to talk to you have been amazing and you deserve Something for your hard work. You really do.

Speaker 3: 45:49

Yes.

Speaker 2: 45:50

So, yeah, don't be afraid to reward yourself for your work, because that's what you, that's what we really do when we work towards things like this. We want to reward ourselves for the hard work that we, because nobody else is going to reward you. For what? You do. So that's what we got to do. We have to reward ourselves, so don't be afraid to do that. You deserve this trip. You deserve this. Upgrade your computer, whatever it is that you're working towards as a goal, you deserve that goal.

Speaker 3: 46:19

Thank you. Yeah, I know, and actually that just reminded me of something I am which is related to what we're saying. I met a guy last year when I was in Canada. I was actually with my mom. We were at Starbucks and he was just I don't know how we started talking, but just a super friendly guy, originally from Jordan, lived for years in Dubai and is now settled in Canada, has kids, a wife and all that stuff, and he we connected on LinkedIn and we did, you know, every you know once a month or so we we text with each other. He's just a really sweet guy, bubbly, enthusiastic, and I'm not sure how it happened but and again, it's nothing romantic like whatsoever and he's like I said I think I said something like okay, I'll see you in Canada when I'm home. He's like, actually no, because I'm going to my brother's wedding in Jordan and I was like, oh shoot, I'm gonna miss you. He's like, well, why don't you come? Like he's just one of those guys and he's gonna be with his wife and stuff. like it's really not anything right and I was like I Think I'm gonna go, I Think I'm gonna go, I'm gonna spend the money, I'm gonna. I love the Middle East. You know that from the podcast I'm obsessed with. Like I love the story of the Bible. I'm not necessarily a Bible toting, you know Christian but I love the story of Jesus as a historical figure. Right just like I'm a story of a lot of people teachers, like like Jesus was, like Jordan is where he was baptized by, you know, his cousin, john the Baptist, like I, just I get chills thinking it like. And again it's one of those things where I'm like I manifested this. This is, this is not anything to be scoffed at, like this is an opportunity that I brought into my life through everything I've been doing, so I think I am gonna go, so I want to book that too. But again it's like about all these like fear, like oh my god, what the hell. I'm gonna go to Jordan and you know, if I don't find a friend to come with me, I'm gonna go by myself because, screw it, I'm not gonna miss this opportunity. I think there are instincts to though like I think instinctively, I know that I'll be fine. And and my daughter? I was telling my daughter about it and she's like, can I come? I said no and I felt so bad. But I that was a really hard boundary for me to put, because if I do this, I want to do this 100% for myself. I don't want to have to worry about entertaining anybody or, yeah, anything, I just want to be selfish and go and do it. So, anyway, that was just an example of putting myself first and Reaping the fruits of my labor.

Speaker 2: 49:04

There you go. Good yeah, you should actually Do a couple recordings of yourself while you're out there. Make sure you post some stuff while you're out there.

Speaker 3: 49:14

Yeah, yeah, that'll be a lot of fun, I think.

Speaker 2: 49:16

I think a lot of people would like to go with you oh.

Speaker 3: 49:19

I think so too, and especially with you know. I know that Jordan isn't in Mesopotamia, but it's very. So I think people would love all that reference if you can make it after Mesopotamia.

Speaker 2: 49:31

I think that would definitely be the icing on the cake there for a lot of things.

Speaker 3: 49:36

Chris might never speak to me again. I Was thinking of inviting her. Actually, I'm good, I'm, I'm gonna see, I'm gonna see, all right.

Speaker 2: 49:46

All right. So I'm gonna get into a couple of the a couple of the things we talked about that weren't so great, because I do have a few things I do want to say about that. First of all I want is I am sorry that you couldn't continue on with the modeling thing. I feel really bad about that. I Wouldn't completely give up on that quite yet.

Speaker 3: 50:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 50:10

What I'd like to know is I'm gonna ask you a question here is what, from the experience of Getting you know, from starting to look for the bottling to actually getting to to the job, and even though we didn't go much further than that, what, what can we learn from that experience? What did we learn from that experience?

Speaker 3: 50:28

Really that the sky is the limit. There's no, like A few things, the sky's the limit. Like, yeah, there's no end to my potential. I know that, I know that. But then sometimes anxiety brings this wave of brain fog down and Says, no, you can't think clearly enough. Okay, I don't need to think that clear to be a model. But you can't think clearly enough to be a good life coach. You can't think clearly enough to be a good podcaster. But you know, when I was in that wave of thinking about the modeling I was, it helped me and I can still see the benefit of that like like, jump Again. I guess I might come for it. So like, jump into things and know that I can like I don't know if you know Amanda Decadenae. Amanda Decadenae is a pretty famous photo photographer, photographer. She has a famous podcast in Los Angeles and all that stuff very famous friends and stuff like that and she had this thing where she said to all of her followers you know, we want to hear your story on the podcast. You know we interview all these different people but we want to hear from one of our Followers. So you know, record a message at this link what your story is and we'll decide if we're gonna have you on or not. And I recorded one and you know she didn't call me or anything, but Just like just even putting myself in the same realm as people who inspire me and Just jumping fearfully. I say fearfully, not fearlessly, because for me jumping fearfully is much harder than jumping fearlessly Like I would never have done that. I would have been like who the femi? Sorry To text, or, you know, leave a voicemail for Amanda Decadenae. Who am I? But now I'm starting to get the answer that you know who I am. I'm Deborah Newt. That's who I am and and why Like, why can't like? I know everything is at my fingertips. I really do. I just get tripped up right. So modeling taught me that, even though it was a small example of that, it was just so different from anything I had ever done Reaching out and getting the job and believing in myself. There was something else I was going to say that oh, maybe it'll come to me later. There was something I was going to say, like, as you asked, sort of what I learned from that.

Speaker 2: 53:16

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 53:17

Yeah, so I learned not to put limitations on myself. I'm worthy. I know that. Sorry the other things that my mind, but it might come back to me.

Speaker 2: 53:30

So Amanda, right, what's her name?

Speaker 3: 53:33

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 53:34

So that actually goes even right back to what we were talking about with the with I don't have his name right the podcast.

Speaker 3: 53:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 53:43

Michael. Yeah, yeah. Same thing. Yeah, there are still things.

Speaker 3: 53:48

Yeah, yes, exactly.

Speaker 2: 53:50

Even though they're these big people, there's nothing wrong with at least reaching out to them once or twice to see if you can be human with them. So kind of the same thing. That's what kind of strikes me there with the and keep pursuing it. I think you should keep pursuing it. Not just send that one voicemail, but maybe send another one, or maybe just send her a tweet, or however. I don't know her social medias, but whatever. Yeah, you never know, she might actually reach out to you just because she sees you here, and then she sees you here too. You're starting to notice. Yes, this is how I reached out to Pat Flynn too, and this is how I got him to notice me is. I reached out to him in different places and just kind of kept going. And then one day he mentioned my name in his podcast and that's what really blew it up for me. And I think if you do the same thing where you just kind of reach out to her here and associate with her there and that kind of thing, she's going to see your name start popping up in other places. I realize that you're really somebody to talk to.

Speaker 3: 54:55

Right, right, right, that's a fantastic tip. I also sorry, I remembered the other thing I was going to say about the podcast. I was just going to say I'm going to be talking about the modeling. I knew that would happen. Yeah, I don't know if you remember me telling you this. You probably do that. The modeling idea came to me after a pretty deep meditation. Like I had stopped meditating and I was just sort of in this nice sort of euphoric state and I was like modeling. So the other thing it taught me is to trust what I hear, the messages I get, because I do get messages. So yeah, so that was another positive thing that came out of it.

Speaker 2: 55:31

Good, good, yeah, that's good. And yes, you should listen to those. That very least minimum right. I'm down when you have them, as soon as they come up.

Speaker 3: 55:40

Yes.

Speaker 2: 55:40

Because I've had those come up with me too. I've done the exact same thing and I've ended up with I'm actually working on my next solo podcast because of a notion like that.

Speaker 3: 55:51

Wow yeah.

Speaker 2: 55:53

Yeah, and the solo podcast is really big for me because I don't like doing solo podcasts.

Speaker 3: 55:59

What do you mean? Like the same podcast that you do, but it's just you talking.

Speaker 2: 56:03

Yeah, okay, there's no guest, there's no other, it's just me.

Speaker 3: 56:07

Wow.

Speaker 2: 56:09

The funny thing is is the one podcast that I have so far that is a solo is my highest downloaded podcast. So Incredible. Yeah, so it's like I really should be doing more of them, but it's one of those, one of my fears that I have to overcome. Wow, it's one of my biggest fears that I have to overcome. So when I got this idea that kind of popped in my head from one of those states that you were talking about, that's what I have to do. My next podcast, I'll talk to you about it.

Speaker 3: 56:38

Thank you. I really appreciate you being vulnerable with me. No, really I do, and I, oh my God, I just think I can't imagine somebody not wanting to hear you talk for an hour about whatever the hell you're going to be talking about. Okay, if it's going to be, if it's like car mechanics, I might tune out.

Speaker 2: 57:01

Don't have to worry about that. I can't even change oil in my car, so we're okay.

Speaker 3: 57:05

That's what we have people to pay for, right? But good for you, jesse, bravo, we say Bravo in Greece.

Speaker 2: 57:12

That's okay, I know it's all right. So I'm really interested in why this modeling didn't work out for you for some really strange reason. I really think that. I mean, what kind of research can we do to figure out why it didn't work?

Speaker 3: 57:35

It's okay, I do. Okay, it's like. Let me let me like okay. Firstly, it was 100% to do with me having been in that horrible case, because I'm even though, no, I don't think anybody like if I issued this invoice or invoices, you know, you know slight, I'm not going to say illegally, but, like you know, using a different, let's say, description of what I did. I'm not going to say illegally, but, like you know, using a different, let's say, description of what I did like, instead of saying I modeled for them, say that I translated for them because, like, I can translate, I'm, I'm legally allowed to translate. I'm just not on the the. Is it the IRS? Like your gas people, I'm on the books as a business consultant, a translator and an English teacher. That's all I'm allowed to practice. So if I so, I like right now the. The issue was that I could do it. So if I so, I like right now. The issue was that I can't issue an invoice to a modeling agency as a model because I'm not declared to the IRS as a model. It's really that simple. So I thought, okay, maybe I could issue an invoice as a, maybe saying that I translated something from Greek into English. So it'd be like a little that's a little.

Speaker 2: 58:53

That's a little shady, you see. Shady, yeah, you see. And if it's a law thing between Greece and the U? S or anything kind of thing, but I don't have to read if I have to register something and I have to register as a business, then everything falls underneath the umbrella of my business. So that's how I'm able to do coaching and a few other things on top of what I'm, because I have a business name and then everything as I do is umbrellaed under that particular business name. So I don't know if that's the same out there. Can you register as a model?

Speaker 3: 59:26

Okay, here's the thing. If I so right now there are a few things like in Greece I'm a freelancer, but because I only issue invoices to one company, the company that I work for, I have like I can remember the word is but like a favorable taxation. I'm treated as a salaried employee as opposed to a freelancer, so I get taxed less, which of course is a good thing, if I start issuing to an additional company and I can register as a model. But that means like it really just blows my taxation essentially. And so what I spoke to two tax experts actually, and one was like you know, just see, like when you run with it for a few jobs, like see if it's going to turn into anything doing this, you know maybe not writing exactly what you really did on the invoice, sort of thing, because you know in Greece people will encourage you to break the law, so and then you know, if you see that it's something that's going to turn into something, then it'll be worth changing your papers and this is that and being taxed more and all that stuff. But I just it was kind of like a chicken or egg thing. I was like, well, the only way that I can sort of see if this is going to fly is if I actually work. And if I work I need to issue an invoice. And if I issue an invoice in the status that I'm in now, the invoice is not going to be right, it's going to be lying to some extent and we're talking about piddly money, right, and I'm sure I mean this tax expert was like Deb. You know that, because this the modeling gig I don't know if I told you this it was mainly for commercials. It wasn't like print, like magazines and stuff like that.

Speaker 2: 1:01:20

Right yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:01:23

So, like you know, that the tax office isn't sitting around watching TV trying to screw models over, you know, but that's what I said about the other case that I got involved in Right, Right.

Speaker 2: 1:01:33

So your past experience is kind of overtaking what what they're saying 100%. Yeah 100%.

Speaker 3: 1:01:39

But, jesse, I think that I do think that, you know, the modeling thing came up for a reason. I don't think it's dead. I think, like I don't think it's dead, I it might come up again in the way that it's supposed to and in a doable way.

Speaker 2: 1:01:57

Did you happen to network with any other models while you were doing this?

Speaker 3: 1:02:02

Well, no, because I only went for an interview. I got hired and then I didn't. I couldn't even go on my first job.

Speaker 2: 1:02:09

So I'm thinking is there any other possibility now, this possibility that there might be somebody else in that group or anywhere else that might be going through the same thing that you're going through right now, or has gone through the same thing you're going through right now?

Speaker 3: 1:02:26

It could be.

Speaker 2: 1:02:27

Yeah, I'm not sure, because if you, if you could find a person that's gone through the same thing that you're going through right now, you could pick their brain and ask them how did you overcome this? What was the thing that you did to get past this invoice thing or whatever?

Speaker 3: 1:02:45

Okay.

Speaker 2: 1:02:45

Because I think, now that you now you know the industry a little bit, you might be able to find other people in that same industry that might have experienced something similar to you.

Speaker 3: 1:02:58

Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, I think that that is a good idea. And I also think, though, that sometimes, if you just leave something a little bit, it has a tendency to work itself out, like it'll work the kinks out by itself. Oh sorry, I just keep looking to get it, just in case my daughter's calling me by the way, no it's okay, so okay, yeah, okay, that's a good idea yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:03:27

I think that if you want to pursue the modeling thing, that's great. If not, and you want to just chalk it up to experience, that's perfectly fine too. It's completely up to you what you want to do at this point, but you had the experience and you know you can do it.

Speaker 3: 1:03:43

Yes, yeah. And I also know that I'm sorry, sorry, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 1:03:48

No, no, go ahead. I want to hear that side.

Speaker 3: 1:03:51

Yeah, I was just going to say that I also know that, like other stuff will come up, like maybe it wasn't you know, maybe the whole thing wasn't for me to be a model, like maybe it was just like to plant this seed, that I can do other stuff Right. So anyway, I think I lost my train of thought, but that's okay.

Speaker 2: 1:04:14

Well, it just makes me think that what was the, what was the whole purpose of the model to begin with?

Speaker 3: 1:04:20

What was, what was the thing that was going through your head when you said I want to model this because I think that I was looking at my, my gifts and talents and thinking outside the box on what I can do. So it was just about exploring something completely different that I can do and that I'm proud that I can do, because I have worked on my body for so many years and I take care of myself and and all that kind of stuff. So I think that I want I also think that something that's going on with me and I don't I never want to sound ungrateful, but I think I'm really bored with my everyday routine work. Yeah Right.

Speaker 2: 1:05:08

Join the club.

Speaker 3: 1:05:10

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:05:11

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:05:12

And this was like so different. My heart was like going pitter-patter because it was just so different from anything I've ever done or even allowed myself to think I can do. So, yeah, I think I was just trying to taste a different kind of life, you know. And, of course, additional income, of course, and easy money, easy money.

Speaker 2: 1:05:38

But what I'm saying is and I remember what you said when we first talked about this, and this is why I'm going back to this what was the thing that was most important to you about doing this modeling? What were you trying to represent?

Speaker 3: 1:05:52

Oh, how you know life can start at 50. Is that what you're talking about?

Speaker 2: 1:05:59

Yes, so why do you need a modeling agency to prove that point?

Speaker 3: 1:06:04

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 1:06:07

I don't. Why can't you just do it on your own? Why can't you just like start some things or join some groups or something like that, where you could start presenting yourself as that, as life after 50 starts?

Speaker 3: 1:06:22

Yes, yeah, yes, it's funny. I was talking to a friend of mine about my niche. She used to be a life coach, now she's a certified therapist and she was like you know, have you found your niche? And I'm like no, because I haven't even gotten my feet wet, you know, and that could be a niche. Yeah, that could be a niche. We talked a lot about mental health and how much experience I have with my own, and she was like Deb, you could give so much hope to people struggling with mental health Like that could be your niche that you know life can be good even with mental health issues.

Speaker 2: 1:07:00

But why can't we take that one step further? Why don't you combine this is something that I've been doing lately why can't you combine the two?

Speaker 3: 1:07:07

Right right, right, right yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:07:10

Helping people over 50 with mental health issues, or you've got some great things going, but you have it over here. You can actually combine them together and make one product that can be really beneficial for you.

Speaker 3: 1:07:29

You're right, because and I'm even thinking about going on this podcast I don't want to just say, I don't want to just present myself as a life coach. That's so general and vague. It doesn't convey any information. I mean, you, the undiscovered entrepreneur, is so clear that you are a business coach, an entrepreneurial coach. I want to say something a little bit more unique and close to what I'm hoping to do. This is really helpful helping people over 50.

Speaker 2: 1:08:13

How can you incorporate yourself into that? That's really, if you really think about it, there's ways where you can incorporate yourself into that mix by using yourself as a catalyst of being somebody that could be successful over 50.

Speaker 3: 1:08:34

Yes, of course, lead by example, right.

Speaker 2: 1:08:39

Exactly.

Speaker 3: 1:08:45

Yeah, that's really good, jesse, Thank you.

Speaker 2: 1:08:47

Yeah, Like I said, if you want to research the whole modeling thing, you can. But I think it was more of an experience thing, something you wanted to try, but something that you could learn from. That you can use in your entrepreneur adventure, the experience and what it taught you in that kind of thing. Yeah, I agree, you want to pursue it. Pursue it by all means. I think it's great.

Speaker 3: 1:09:15

I think it's great too. To be honest, the funny thing is that I think that before all of this with the tax stuff came up on a Monday, that Saturday I went to the gym the previous Saturday and I really messed up my foot. I wasn't doing anything with my foot, but I don't know what happened exactly. I guess I wasn't quite ready to go to the gym. I was thinking it's actually a blessing that I didn't get that job, because I would have been hobbling. It took quite a while. I've always looking for little ideas that maybe Maybe it happened for a reason.

Speaker 2: 1:09:54

Maybe it went that way for a reason.

Speaker 3: 1:09:56

Exactly. The other part of it is that the gym is an important part of my life. I've really just given myself permission to not go until my foot really does get better. So I don't even think I mean the best shape of my life right this second to be doing the modeling. So maybe it was all meant to happen for a reason.

Speaker 2: 1:10:21

That makes sense to me. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:10:25

The truth is in the cracks. That's right, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:10:32

One thing I want to hit on to here real quick, and if this gets a little too weird for you, that's just let me know. But giving yourself the room to have emotion. Yeah, this is something I've been learning to. Not just the raw emotion of anger or crying or anything like that, but the mixture, the different types of emotions that we have as humans. You need to give yourself the room to have those emotions. It's not going to do you any good bottling them up. It's not going to do any good pushing them down, because if you do that, it's like a balloon you blow up.

Speaker 3: 1:11:18

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 1:11:20

So I know it sounds like there are. Sometimes you are struggling with emotions.

Speaker 3: 1:11:26

Oh yes, oh yes.

Speaker 2: 1:11:28

You need to be able to express those emotions in one way, shape or form, whether it's like talking to somebody. Even talking, I know it sounds kind of weird, but even talking to yourself, there's times where I will just look in the mirror and just talk to myself.

Speaker 3: 1:11:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:11:45

Why are you doing this? Why are you feeling this? These are questions that I ask myself all the time. Even just in my head. I'm feeling this emotion. Why am I feeling this emotion? Do I need to express this emotion? Do I need to sit down and meditate on this emotion? Do I need to just cry? Do I need to watch a really sad movie and just cry for no reason? You know things like that, a lot of that I'm also exploring while I'm in my meditation.

Speaker 3: 1:12:12

Yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 1:12:14

Exploring my emotions while in meditation is. It's very enlightening because you're already looking inside yourself for answers. That's basically why we do meditation is not just to calm ourselves, but to find ourselves.

Speaker 3: 1:12:30

Exactly.

Speaker 2: 1:12:31

So I would actually ask you to give yourself more room to express emotion. Thank you To feel the emotion Now. You don't need my permission to do that, Just like you. No, but.

Speaker 3: 1:12:47

No, but it's encouragement and it's key for me. It really is Like you've hit on something very key, because I think that I was in so much pain for so long that I just learned to stifle my emotions, because I was afraid that if I so much, there's so much packed in there that I haven't unpacked yet. But I am unpacking it finally. But I just I think I was afraid that if I, if I let my emotions go there would be so overwhelming that I would never like snap back Right, and. But then I also have it very deeply ingrained in me that to ask for help or to not be capable to admit any kind of vulnerability means that I'm not capable, I'm not strong enough, I'm not. I have a very hard time accepting help, very hard time because I'm usually the one giving the help and it's like even like this I hope I say it in a way that you'll understand like even sometimes being coached by you. It's like Deb, you know you, you don't need help, you don't need, you know this stuff. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes, right, so it's. It's really hard, it's really hard, it's really hard. Yes, right, so it's. It's really hard for me to accept that I don't have all the answers, I can't solve everything, and you know what. So this is funny. Like this guy came into my life and I was thinking recently about how some, like I don't necessarily want a relationship, but what I want is this is very intimate Like I sometimes just need to be able to put my head on a man's chest or shoulder. I I've always made things work out in my life. I don't need someone to fix my problems, but I do need somewhere to lay my weary head, and I think that you know, sometimes it would be so nice to just have a man and I do think it's. It has to be a man, like it's, not a woman friend can't give me the same thing. I think I need that comfort that you know what I'm here. I'm here Not in a way that means you're not enough for yourself. You are a strong, confident, dynamic woman. But I am here when you just need to rest and I'm here to tell you on those days when you're not sure if everything's going to be okay. I don't have too many of those days I'm here to tell you that they are. You know why? Because you're you, so I'm not really sure where I was going with this, but I think that I think that I've been putting that need out into the universe and that's why this person came. Of course we don't have a physical relationship, but just yesterday I was telling him about being stressed. I didn't have my topic ready to record and it's just weighing on me and God, I only have one weekend and I'm spending the whole thing researching. And he just totally talked me through it and I was feeling so uncomfortable because I was like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. I'm thinking, you know, I'm the one who solves people's problems. I'm not the receiver, I'm the giver. Like it's really hard for me to receive, but I let myself listen, I let myself be sued by his words and actually take his advice. And of course I got my topic done and of course we got it recorded and I would have done it anyway. But I just, you know, I just needed that little breath in my sails because I don't always. It's hard to constantly be your own battery supply. Yeah. Right. Yes. And that's hard to admit. Yes, it is.

Speaker 2: 1:17:00

It is very hard to admit. Yeah, we're very common in that, right.

Speaker 3: 1:17:07

Oh yeah, I think we're common in a lot of things. Yeah, my point of all sorry, I was just going to say that my point from all that was that I am recognizing my needs and my emotions and trying to figure out what I need, like giving my emotions space. So I think I'm making progress on what we're talking about, but, yes, there's more work to be done, of course.

Speaker 2: 1:17:29

Right, so you suffer from the same complex idea called superhero complex.

Speaker 3: 1:17:37

Okay, sounds like something I would suffer from.

Speaker 2: 1:17:41

Yeah, and it's the need to swoop in and save the day, basically.

Speaker 3: 1:17:45

Yes.

Speaker 2: 1:17:46

Put all your problems on me, I will solve them for you.

Speaker 3: 1:17:50

Yeah, look how strong I am.

Speaker 2: 1:17:52

I never and any show of weakness, any show of I need help or anything like that is going to take away from that superhero complex we have because we're supposed to be the strong one, right? We don't want to show that we're weak. We don't want to show that we need help, because we want everybody to put their problems on our shoulders and we will fix it.

Speaker 3: 1:18:15

Because that will make us good people, because somewhere deep, in death, exactly. We down. We feel like we have to prove that to the world. Just a second, oh sorry, oh my goodness Bless you. Allergies Ethan, thank you, I see it in the middle of the report. Okay, okay, you keeping that in.

Speaker 2: 1:18:32

I'm keeping that in.

Speaker 3: 1:18:33

That's great, okay, I know this one, we this episode we have to be careful with though, because I've said a lot of names, like Chris and stuff, so we have to be really careful with it.

Speaker 2: 1:18:42

No, it's okay, Because a lot of them are going to get in the show notes and we will give them accolades for people to find them.

Speaker 3: 1:18:49

Right, okay, so don't worry about that.

Speaker 2: 1:18:51

Okay, so yeah, and I've suffered from superhero syndrome as long as I can run, even as a little boy, I wanted to be the one to help people out. I wanted to be the one to save the day. If you have a problem, I will go in and swoop in and save the day. But the problem is and this is what really was profound to me that the first time I heard it made me cry, just because I didn't think who saves a superhero?

Speaker 3: 1:19:15

Right, right Right.

Speaker 2: 1:19:19

And the superhero has a problem and has an issue. Who's see? Now I'm getting all choked up. Who swoops in and saves the day of the superhero. That's right, it's.

Speaker 3: 1:19:33

Take your time.

Speaker 2: 1:19:36

It's really hard to think about, because the first thing that goes to your head is nobody, because I'm the one that's supposed to be savoring everybody. There's nobody above me to save me, because I am the one. That's it Right and that's not true. That's it. It's really not true. There are people that will help you, but you have to be vulnerable enough to ask for the help Exactly.

Speaker 3: 1:20:05

And the other thing is that you yeah, and it's also. You see, you said, you just said something that I would have said too. There's no one else above me. You see how we put it into a hierarchy Just because a person can't walk, it doesn't mean they're above you or better than you, or more advanced or more enlightened, Like you see. But you see what we do there. We're like why I must be lowered down on the totem pole since I need help. No, it's a mesh, it's a cross, it's a horizontal thing. It's not a hierarchy. Right, exactly, exactly. Yeah, it's true, it's totally true.

Speaker 2: 1:20:47

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't be afraid to ask for help. It's not a show of weakness, it's just a show.

Speaker 3: 1:20:55

Yeah, yeah, thank you. Yeah, I need that reminder for sure.

Speaker 2: 1:20:59

Yeah, because I do every day. I need that reminder every single day.

Speaker 3: 1:21:03

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:21:06

Well, we covered a lot, even though for me that's.

Speaker 3: 1:21:09

I know. Well God, it's been an hour and a half. I know it's a bit late, but it's amazing it went so quickly.

Speaker 2: 1:21:17

Yeah, it did, it really did. I just really like the fact that you're being a lot more optimistic than you used to be about everything that's happening. Yes, me too. So I really commend you for that. I applaud you for that. Thank you very much for being you and you are enough. You really are enough.

Speaker 3: 1:21:37

I know, so are you, so are you, jesse?

Speaker 2: 1:21:40

I do my best, I try.

Speaker 3: 1:21:44

No, you succeed. Okay, I did something else that I wanted to tell you quickly. Yes, I'm sorry, I think you were just about ready to say something before we close. I was really concerned about my daughter about two weeks ago. I think that might have been the weekend that I canceled with you, but she's fine, but there's just some stuff going on, right, and I just feel the need to be closer to her, and especially now that I'm separated, I spend even less time with her. So it's just become apparent to me that I would like to for the timing. I can't quit my job, I can't quit like having a full-time salary job, but I do want to possibly work remotely, and my company does not support that at all. So I've been thinking, okay, maybe once, maybe from September, I can look for a job that doesn't allow me to work remotely, because there are a lot of jobs that do. And so that's again the very far outside my comfort zone. But so this guy, this recruiter that I know again from LinkedIn, we've been in touch for the not anyway, over the years he's approached me for a few jobs and I've just kept telling him I'm not interested in making a career change. But we've been friends and sort of texting and he texted me about something sort of friendly on Friday and I said I answered him and stuff. But then I was like you know what, dan, I think I might actually be ready for that career change we've been talking about and which was really hard for me to write, and he's like fantastic, okay, let's set up a chat. So we're supposed to be talking at some point tomorrow. But again, another move that I made that could be something exciting, but definitely scary, because I've been at this company for 12 years and it's hard for me to like it's kind of a no-brainer, whereas if I start a new job I have to prove myself and all that stuff, but I'll just have to weigh the benefits. If I do get an interview or something, I'll just have to oh sorry, I'll just have to weigh it all out and see what to do. I know it's kind of late for you compared to me. So it's not that late, but I think it's allergies and stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:23:59

So yeah, yeah, I would actually sit down and physically write pros and cons of both. I know that sounds very cliche and that kind of thing but ultimately when you see it in front of you and kind of like take note of everything that's pro and con and both all in one piece of paper, it gives you a better idea and a clearer picture of what you're going to be into, instead of just like putting it in your head because it gets jumbled up in there. I know it does for me too, but putting things out or even do the sticky note thing, like I did with you a couple of hours ago, yeah, whatever, it is that you can get those ideas out of your head. Why I should this, why I shouldn't do this, right, but ultimately I'm glad you're getting out of your comfort zone, exploring other things that you generally would not do, yeah, and I think that's really Exactly. Oh my God, yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:24:52

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 1:24:53

I do too.

Speaker 3: 1:24:54

And you're definitely helping. So that's why I signed up with you. I wouldn't have signed up with you if we're helping. It's pretty simple, all right.

Speaker 2: 1:25:05

I'm glad to be of service. Thank you for listening to the coaching edition of the Undiscovered Entrepreneurship brought to you by Doing it Today Coaching. If you want to get across the start line, contact me, dj Scoob, at Doing it Today Coaching at gmailcom. Say the words, do it now for a free two hour discovery call to see how I can help you in your entrepreneur adventure. Art and graphics by Elaine Wilson, supported by my Patreon, brian Briggs of OceanTreat Creative and Oliver Siegel of Anall, and hosted by me, dj Scoob. Click the show notes below for more information and remember I can, I am, I will and I'm doing it today.